July 18, 2019
Feeling overwhelmed.
I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I am tired of battling with myself and yet I know if I stop, the insanity will begin anew.
So many thoughts and feelings overwhelming my brain – and all my psychologist and I talked about at my first session was why I was seeing her, what brought me there, and how I really felt.
I thought I had no more tears, and yet there they were in the form of shame, guilt, and fear.
I don’t feel like going to NA tonight and yet because I feel that way, full of self-pity, I know I must go.
And all this from briefly shining a light on a demon that continues to feed on all the crap I give him, yet can’t stop – or is it I don’t want to stop because it is safe in that pain and anger?
Ugg. All I know is I need to go to my meeting and remember how far I come in the last 7 months.
