July 11, 2019
As the date draws near to my next round of rehab, I am becoming more fearful. Fear.
My addict brain is screaming Fuck Everything And Run and is desperately trying to rationalize why I should self-sabotage.
The intent of Bellwood is to confront, heal, and grow from a trauma I did not know I had, until therapy released the memory. I am fearful what this will do.
What other demons are lurking, and will I be strong enough to confront this possibility?
My rational brain is telling me I will be in the hands of professionals who will help me to release myself from these final chains around my heart. Run or trust?
For the addict the answer is simple and the answer to be avoided. I will need to be vigilent and ask for help.
The men and women at NA tonight were awesome. I am grateful I got honest about my fears and the competing dialogues in my head.
Good night my friends. Be kind to yourself.
