May 30, 2019
2 days clean. Today I prayed for the first time. I am very frightened. I asked my higher power if there is hope and to give me strength.
I started to read Chapter 5 of the Big Book. One passage reads, “So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!”
Selfishness. Self-will. Self pity. Again I find myself at those three words.
Today, I realised I have not surrendered myself totally.
