July 20, 2019
“If we allow things outside ourselves to define who we are, we end up like a tree with no roots. At the first storm we are liable to come crashing down” (Living Clean p. 92).
I allowed this to occur because all my life I felt like an outsider, a loner, and yearned for a sense of belonging.
So, I became a chameleon, adapting to my environment trying to fit in, yet I still felt empty. But I found a sense of belonging in drug culture.
Now I look back and realise this ‘culture’ and belonging was merely a group of people hurting and using each other – our connections and money – to self-medicate.
I didn’t want to be alone in my pain – that came later in the end stages of addiction.
Today, the road to recovery is a lifetime of travel, but I am slowly rediscovering myself with child-like wonder.
I am becoming comfortable in my own skin and others have a choice: to accept me as I am, or walk away.
There will be more storms and this time I am ready to face them as I really am.
