June 13, 2019
Today, I ignored HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).
I felt lonely and tired, saying nothing for fear of being a burden, or rather letting my perceptions of what others would think decide what I should do.
My ego reared it’s head and said, “I got this.”
I don’t.
I felt an incredible urge to use, but instead, I read the NA basic text while I waited for the meeting to start.
My last relapse was instructional.
I cannot nor do not want to go back.
“Although all addicts are basically the same in kind, we do, as individuals, differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery. There may be times when a relapse lays the groundwork for complete freedom. At other times that freedom can only be achieved by a grim and obstinate willfulness to hang on to abstinence come hell or high water until a crisis passes. An addict, who by any means can lose, even for a time, the need or desire to use, and has free choice over impulsive thinking and compulsive action, has reached a turning point that may be the decisive factor in his recovery.” (Basic Text p. 77)
