April 29, 2019
My name is Chris and I am a recovering addict. This is part 5 of my story.
While I danced, the music grew louder. Fearful of being caught, I began to “party” in the United States. It was on one of those trips I discovered that money could be made selling meth to addicts in Detroit.
Doing the math in my head, I realised by exporting it to the US, I could make more than enough to help pay for my addiction.
Addiction. I scoffed at that word.
I wasn’t addicted. I was in full control. I just needed more money to fund my “habit”.
Yeah. Let’s call it that if it makes me feel better.
I just needed to be a little more creative in the stories … lies … I told. I could pay back all the money I had literally stolen, it just would take some time. Furthermore, Crystal thought it was a great idea as she wrapped her skeletal arms around me tighter.
Yeah, I wasn’t addicted.
I experimented with different ways to cross the border first. I needed to figure out a way to bring large enough quantities across the border undetected. After several different attempts, the answer was the tunnel bus. I was never searched. I should be in prison, but thankfully, the Higher Power I would acknowledge several months later had different plans for me.
The party intensified and the music grew louder. Smoking turned into snorting which turned into booty bumps – chasing the high and the withdrawals.
To her glee, Crystal and I were becoming one.
On December 14, 2018 the brakes failed on my roller coaster of life – I began slamming, or in more familiar terms, I started injecting.
Thirteen days later I would be plunging nearly 1 gram into my veins hoping to end my life by causing a stroke or heart attack.
I had told so many lies, and done so many despicable things to my friends, family, partner and myself I no longer believed I deserved neither their respect nor love. I could not look at myself. I was worthless and full of self hate and pity. I had followed the path Crystal had laid out, and I was lost in my world of fantasy, more empty than ever before.
I had maxed out my credit cards, taken out $5000 in high interest loans, plunged our joint account into overdraft and was two months behind in my own financial commitments, I selfishly believed the only solution was death.
Selfish. That was one thing I did well.
So on the night of December 27th, I slipped out the back gate of my home to never return.
But an unlikely source intervened and ultimately saved my life.
