November 3, 2019
Sometimes it is so hard. My self-made expectations demand I put on a brave face and that takes a lot of energy when no one has asked me to. The truth – it’s been a tough week. It started on Tuesday when I was triggered at the doctors and Wednesday I rode in the pouring rain to sit by the river and cry. The joy of being bi-polar, but at least now I know why I have these episodes.
I have no desire to use at all, just feel a dis-ease, a sense of being overwhelmed and honestly, grieving. I want to help every addict and it upsets me knowing I cannot, I can only help myself. I know the only way I can help is by staying clean.
I shared this at NA tonight and it helped to know that what I am feeling is not unique, but it is feeling that is causing the dis-ease which means I am healing I think. I just need to remember to be gentle with myself, one day at a time. I am and will be okay – recovery is a rollercoaster I’m told.
Good night my friends, thanks for listening.
