November 7, 2019
This skill is about noticing when I judge things as “good” or “bad” and working to judge less. When I judge, especially in a negative way, it usually makes my emotions worse. If I’m angry, annoyed, or frustrated, I try to catch the judgments I’m making. Then I replace them with the facts of what happened and how I feel about it.
For example, if a friend cancels plans again, instead of saying, “You’re a terrible friend,” I can say, “You’ve canceled on me a few times recently to go out with someone else. I feel hurt and angry about this.”
If I think, “My partner is an idiot,” I can shift to: “I worked late, and when I got home, my partner asked what I was making for dinner. That made me feel angry and disappointed because I wish he would help more.” Then I can talk to him calmly and ask for what I need.
Being less judgmental doesn’t make pain go away, but it does help keep emotions like anger from getting stronger. Judging others doesn’t solve the problem—it just drains my time and energy and sets a negative tone for the day. Staying nonjudgmental also helps me stay calmer, lower my stress, and avoid slipping back into harmful behaviors.
