May 14, 2019
“Ask not why the addiction, but why the pain?” – Gabor Mate
I know many I have hurt (or confused) continue to grapple with the question of “why?”
Why would I continue to use a substance that not only brought great harm to myself but to those who loved me as well.
Why would I even start?
It’s as simple as this – guided by my council of idiots in my head I believed I was doing no harm. I was just having fun. And in the beginning it was fun.
But then the addiction took over.
When I was short on cash the choice was to either steal money or sell drugs. I chose the one I believed to be less harmful. Never once did the thought cross my mind to stop using – that would come, but by then it was too late.
When my waist size dropped from 42 to 38 to 36 to 34 to 32 my council of idiots voted me sexiest man of the year. “Sign up now! The Tina Turner Diet will work for you in just 30 days,” my brain said. (Meth is also known as Tina).
Did I decide to stop using?
No, I decided creating illnesses to explain the dramatic weight loss was the rational thing to do. To keep it simple – a lie was easier to tell than face the truth.
I was addicted. I was hurt and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I had no control and I was powerless to stop.
To many, this may seem foreign, if you want to stop, stop, but for the diseased brain this simply is not an option nor possible – until I first acknowledged I had a problem, second, accepted I had a problem, and third asked for help.
I hope that helps. And if it doesn’t, please allow me to show you over the next few months and years.
