My Name: “Is Meth” – Author Unknown

April 18, 2019

I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start.
I’m more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I’m easily found,
I live all around you – in schools and in town
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I’m made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child’s closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there’s one you know best,
I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you’ll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I’ll own your soul.
When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie,
You do what you have to — just to get high.

The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms
Will I be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms,your lungs your nose.

You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I’ll be with you always — right by your side.

You’ll give up everything – your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone.
I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I’m finished with you, you’ll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned – this is no game,
If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.
I’ll ravish your body, I’ll control your mind,
I’ll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you’ll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I’ll be your master, you will be my slave,
I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

Saying Goodbye (To Addiction)

April 18, 2019

I have to say goodbye. I have to forever banish your promise that filled my very existence with emptiness. Live life or live death. That is the choice I must make, a choice you wish to expunge from my DNA.

For you, your promise of life is death; all paths leading to the same door. The lie that I can live without living must come to an end. Despite this recognition, it is hard to bid adieu to the warm embrace the lies within lies that this life offered; harder still to face the truth of what I had become in the peaceful chaos that was my existence.

To love, to dream, to be loved all sacrificed on the alter of self loathing and selfishness, banishing that inner child into isolation, yearning to be free yet choosing endless days and nights of circular cascading thought and infinite mindless shit masquerading as my reality.

Yet why is it so hard to say goodbye? There was peace, warmth, and purpose in the false promises and lies I had told myself surrendering my days and nights, my weeks and my months, my hobbies, my interests, my love and the love of those around me to the world of fantasy where I sought refuge.

I would do anything to feel the prick of the needle, to feel your warmth course through through my veins as I descended into the blinding darkness in pursuit of the peace that was always within reach, yet never close enough. This obsession, the pursuit of this woeful comfort consumed all that I was. All that I wanted. All that I dreamed.

Honesty – Relapse

April 15, 2019

I thought it time to post a brief update as I’m told many of my friends have wondered what happened and what is going on. On December 27th, 2018 I attempted to end my life after more than a year of using methamphetamine I lost more than 100 pounds and currently experience body tremors, mild psychosis in the form of hallucinations, memory loss and ongoing insomnia and depression.

My addiction initially ended a 16 year relationship and cost more than $25,000 resulting in insolvency caused by the use of high interest loans. I do not post this because I am proud or boasting.

I post this because I am ashamed of what I have done and what I became and ask those who I have harmed for forgiveness. I would do anything for the drug, now I must do anything for my sobriety. I was a resident of Brentwood Recovery Home where I was discharged and relapsed within 45 minutes. I am currently at Homewood Health Centre where i am receiving psychiatric and addictions treatment. I expect to be released by June 1st when I will continue treatment at the Concurrent Mental Health Issues and Addictions program at Hotel Dieu Grace Hospital.

While addiction is a disease, I must accept responsibility for what I have done. At every point I made a choice and at every point I chose a drug that was silently killing me over those who loved and cared about me. For that I am deeply sorry and must accept that I cannot change the past but I can change the future.Thank you for your words support and love.They touched me deeply.