Non-Judgement Helps

October 17, 2019

Feeling a bit emotional today and it is okay.

A friend confided in me a couple of days ago that they had started IV meth use; they hadn’t used in a couple days, but were feeling very depressed.

A panic seared through my chest and I urged the person to come to a NA meeting.

“It was just one time,” to which I replied, “One time is how it starts”.

I saw the individual at a meeting and I was happy. That was a huge move for them. Then the person came up to me and said thank you.

That meant a lot.

How we respond to people does make a difference.

Using Dreams

October 20, 2019

https://recovery.org/pro/articles/dreams-in-recovery-using-and-relapse-dreams-what-do-they-mean/

In early recovery, it is common for people to have dreams about using their former drug of choice. A well-known study by researchers George Christo and Christine Franey, of the Centre for Research on Drugs in England, reported in Substance Use and Misuse (Jan. 1996) that, at seven weeks of abstinence, 84% of former drug users involved in their study were having drug-related dreams. More “using” dreams were experienced by abstinent subjects than by subjects who were still actively consuming drugs. Although the using dreams began to rapidly diminish after seven weeks, about half of the study subjects still experienced some using dreams into their sixth month of abstinence.

Sometimes using dreams include the idea that the dreamer has actually relapsed, and this is only proven untrue when the person awakens – usually quite relieved, but shaken. Why do relapse dreams and using dreams occur? And how do they affect recovery?

The Impact of Using Dreams and Relapse Dreams

Unfortunately, the prevalence of using dreams and relapse dreams may be correlated to the likelihood for relapse.

In the Christo/Franey study, at the six-month follow-up, subjects who had numerous using dreams and relapse dreams were more likely to have greater drug cravings and to return to active drug use. A later study (Neuropsychoanalysis, 2004) confirmed these earlier findings. However, these studies looked at heroin and cocaine use, where more intense cravings are common.

Some studies of alcoholics who had using dreams found an opposite effect. In one study, Dreams as a Prognostic Factor in Alcoholism (S.Y. Choi, American Journal of Psychiatry, 1973) the alcoholics who had an abundance of using dreams were more likely to remain abstinent. Several other studies have suggested that using dreams may have a “compensatory” effect, allowing a person to deal with urges and cravings in a safe way.

While research discrepancies persist, one relevant viewpoint stands out. Many researchers now believe that it is more important to look at the subjects’ responses to their using dreams or relapse dreams than it is to consider the prevalence of such dreams, or the actual dream content. Subjects who respond to using dreams with disappointment and frustration, upon finding out that they are not real, tend to be more prone to relapse. Subjects who wake up feeling relieved that the dreams weren’t real tend to become more motivated to remain abstinent.

Should You Try to Eliminate Drug-Related Dreams?

It is not likely that one’s efforts to stop using dreams or relapse dreams from occurring would prove effective, and such attempts could even backfire because of the increased stress.

Instead of resisting drug-related dreams, it may be better to attempt to determine what, if anything, they are trying to tell you. Some possible theories of what such dreams may mean are listed below. However, if you want to take your best shot at eliminating them, try falling asleep with a calm and positive mindset. Reading some uplifting or spiritual material just prior to falling asleep may help.

Instead of resisting drug-related dreams, it may be better to attempt to determine what, if anything, they are trying to tell you.

Possible Functions of Using Dreams and Relapse Dreams

Today, researchers are more often viewing drug-related dreams as a process of the subconscious mind, with many possible objectives. Using dreams and relapse dreams may be a sign that:

  • You are readying yourself for change. Dreams of using may simply be your inner mind’s way of “practicing” how to deal with the frustrations that are part of recovery – dealing with cravings, releasing a familiar coping strategy, etc.
  • Your addicted brain may be trying to re-set itself. While using, you likely did not have normal dream activity. Substances are known to suppress REM (rapid eye movement) sleep cycles, which are necessary for dreams to occur. Since REM sleep is so important to a healthy brain, when REM sleep has been suppressed, the brain will attempt an “REM-rebound” once the suppressing factor has been removed. Because you are then dreaming more, and because your brain ‘s reward center has been over-stimulated, it is possible that these factors are uppermost in your subconscious mind. And dream content is extracted from the subconscious.
  • Your cravings may have become intensified. Dreams can be said to give you your “state of your state of mind message.” If you have experienced increased stress, or are faltering in your resolve for abstinence for any other reason, your dreams may be indicating your innermost feelings of ambivalence. Still, just because you crave, it does not mean you have to use. It is better to be aware of your increased vulnerability and to take steps to bolster your resolve, rather than be caught unaware in a weak moment.

Giving Thanks

October 13, 2019

Last year I spent Thanksgiving obliviated, numb, self-centered. I was not present, focused only on how and when I’d get to use again.

I am grateful for every clean day so that I can fully give back what is freely given to me.

Everyday is Thanksgiving. I am getting my life back.

Service

October 12, 2019

Helped cook and serve up turkey and ham dinner with all the fixings for more than 100 low income and homeless at New Song Church.

Gives me quite a different perspective of my own life and issues.

Men, women and children with very little, smiling and laughing.

Feeling blessed.

Consequences

October 10, 2019

I was very aware of the consequences of my last relapse. That inner turmoil, should I or shouldn’t I, do it don’t do it.

My addict self said, you can manage the consequences. Oh the lies I tell myself.

It is said that there are consequences to every action. Before I got clean, I simply didn’t believe this. But now I know exactly what it means. When I act, I know there will be consequences to pay. No longer can I decide to do something in ignorance when I know full well that I won’t like the price I’ll have to pay. There’s a prize and a price.

It’s okay to act despite the consequences if I am willing to pay the price, but there’s always one to pay.

Just for Today: I will think about the consequences of my actions before I take them.

Grateful

October 9, 2019

A new friend through NA overheard I had few clothes that fit me, so he invited me over showed me bins on top of bins filled with clothes and started handing me them.

In the end, 13 shirts, 5 pairs of shorts, 10 pairs of jeans, and 3 jackets.

I am blessed.

If You Think You Are Beaten – You Are

October 9, 2019

Negative-self talk was slowly destroying me, eating away at my self-confidence and self esteem. A very long time ago, though it seems like yesterday, my grade 6 teacher introduced me to Walter Wintle’s belief in the power of positive thinking:

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win, but think you can’t
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will,
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battle don’t always go
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

30 Seconds

October 9, 2019

3o seconds.

That is the attraction.

Everytime I use it is about the first 3o seconds of the rush, the high.

Everytime I am prepared to give everything away for those 30 seconds, which are followed by hours, days or, as was the case, months of hell, a cyclical meaningless haze of irrationality, fear and isolation.

My counselor got me thinking. It bothers me, no it distresses me, but I have to remember, “I didnt get addicted overnight so easy does it.”

I am making progress. The fact I even recognise this is progress.

Patience. Deep breath. One day at a time.