Using Dreams

October 20, 2019

https://recovery.org/pro/articles/dreams-in-recovery-using-and-relapse-dreams-what-do-they-mean/

In early recovery, it is common for people to have dreams about using their former drug of choice. A well-known study by researchers George Christo and Christine Franey, of the Centre for Research on Drugs in England, reported in Substance Use and Misuse (Jan. 1996) that, at seven weeks of abstinence, 84% of former drug users involved in their study were having drug-related dreams. More “using” dreams were experienced by abstinent subjects than by subjects who were still actively consuming drugs. Although the using dreams began to rapidly diminish after seven weeks, about half of the study subjects still experienced some using dreams into their sixth month of abstinence.

Sometimes using dreams include the idea that the dreamer has actually relapsed, and this is only proven untrue when the person awakens – usually quite relieved, but shaken. Why do relapse dreams and using dreams occur? And how do they affect recovery?

The Impact of Using Dreams and Relapse Dreams

Unfortunately, the prevalence of using dreams and relapse dreams may be correlated to the likelihood for relapse.

In the Christo/Franey study, at the six-month follow-up, subjects who had numerous using dreams and relapse dreams were more likely to have greater drug cravings and to return to active drug use. A later study (Neuropsychoanalysis, 2004) confirmed these earlier findings. However, these studies looked at heroin and cocaine use, where more intense cravings are common.

Some studies of alcoholics who had using dreams found an opposite effect. In one study, Dreams as a Prognostic Factor in Alcoholism (S.Y. Choi, American Journal of Psychiatry, 1973) the alcoholics who had an abundance of using dreams were more likely to remain abstinent. Several other studies have suggested that using dreams may have a “compensatory” effect, allowing a person to deal with urges and cravings in a safe way.

While research discrepancies persist, one relevant viewpoint stands out. Many researchers now believe that it is more important to look at the subjects’ responses to their using dreams or relapse dreams than it is to consider the prevalence of such dreams, or the actual dream content. Subjects who respond to using dreams with disappointment and frustration, upon finding out that they are not real, tend to be more prone to relapse. Subjects who wake up feeling relieved that the dreams weren’t real tend to become more motivated to remain abstinent.

Should You Try to Eliminate Drug-Related Dreams?

It is not likely that one’s efforts to stop using dreams or relapse dreams from occurring would prove effective, and such attempts could even backfire because of the increased stress.

Instead of resisting drug-related dreams, it may be better to attempt to determine what, if anything, they are trying to tell you. Some possible theories of what such dreams may mean are listed below. However, if you want to take your best shot at eliminating them, try falling asleep with a calm and positive mindset. Reading some uplifting or spiritual material just prior to falling asleep may help.

Instead of resisting drug-related dreams, it may be better to attempt to determine what, if anything, they are trying to tell you.

Possible Functions of Using Dreams and Relapse Dreams

Today, researchers are more often viewing drug-related dreams as a process of the subconscious mind, with many possible objectives. Using dreams and relapse dreams may be a sign that:

  • You are readying yourself for change. Dreams of using may simply be your inner mind’s way of “practicing” how to deal with the frustrations that are part of recovery – dealing with cravings, releasing a familiar coping strategy, etc.
  • Your addicted brain may be trying to re-set itself. While using, you likely did not have normal dream activity. Substances are known to suppress REM (rapid eye movement) sleep cycles, which are necessary for dreams to occur. Since REM sleep is so important to a healthy brain, when REM sleep has been suppressed, the brain will attempt an “REM-rebound” once the suppressing factor has been removed. Because you are then dreaming more, and because your brain ‘s reward center has been over-stimulated, it is possible that these factors are uppermost in your subconscious mind. And dream content is extracted from the subconscious.
  • Your cravings may have become intensified. Dreams can be said to give you your “state of your state of mind message.” If you have experienced increased stress, or are faltering in your resolve for abstinence for any other reason, your dreams may be indicating your innermost feelings of ambivalence. Still, just because you crave, it does not mean you have to use. It is better to be aware of your increased vulnerability and to take steps to bolster your resolve, rather than be caught unaware in a weak moment.

How Did I Get Here?

October 2, 2019

Some people have asked, how did you become an addict and why didn’t you stop?

Well, how I became one is complicated, but I never believed I would become addicted. A few friends used, and they didn’t seem addicted, so I thought it would be fun to try.

Trust me, I look back and wish I hadn’t. But I did and can’t change that.

At first, I could manage it until I needed it everyday – even then I said, as long as I don’t go into withdrawals, it’s all good.

Then I started needing more everyday, which I learned at Homewood this was when my brain determined I needed the drug more than food or sleep to survive.

By then shame and guilt made me afraid to ask for help – because I would have to admit my problem. It was only when I could not go on living did I ask for help.

Even now the desire to use is strong, despite all the negative consequences. When I relapsed, it was like I was watching myself go and pick up. My rational brain was screaming you don’t want to do this, but I was on autopilot. That was terrifying – having full knowledge of past consequences and the high risks involved, but unable/unwilling to stop myself. This time though, I eventually stopped out of anger. I am learning.

Most days I am good, but when triggered, it is a battle – for now. I yearn for the day I no longer have the desire. Rehab is not a cure, it is a start to recovery.

I started sharing my story 10 months ago to hold myself accountable and to hopefully change perspectives. Addicts could be your neighbours, friends, son, daughter, brother, sister, mother or father. They are people in pain, soothing it and silently screaming for help.

Not everyone can see this, and that’s okay. Their opinion of me is none of my business.

Desperation

May 1, 2019

My name is Chris and I’m a recovering addict. This is part 6 of my story.

Selfish. That was one thing I did well.

So on the night of December 27th, I slipped out the back gate of my home to never return. But an unlikely source intervened and ultimately saved my life.

The path ahead was blurred by tears of anger and sorrow as a great hopelessness washed over me. As I neared Richmond Street, I paused and looked up at the night sky searching for an answer to a question I did not know how to ask.

All I saw was darkness.

I reached into my coat pocket and felt my freedom – it’s cold rigid plastic holding the promise that Crystal offered. There was reassurance in death; there was no sadness, only relief from the pain of a thousand lies.

I walked slowly across Richmond Street making my way to Willistead Park. I had decided I would end my pain in the very spot my character in my first short film had chosen to end his.

Tears were coursing down my face unseen by the few who were walking through the park, collars to the wind and backs to the world.

I truly believed I would be saving my partner from the pain of learning the truth. I truly believed my parents, my guides, my confidants would be free from the torment of learning who their son really was.

As I neared my destination, I touched my pocket where the prepared syringe was and sat upon the bench.

There were no more tears, only angry determination to put this world full of pain, hurt, anger and resentment behind me.

I pulled the syringe from my jacket and rest it upon my leg, it’s contents shimmering from the pathway lights, yearning to course through my veins one final time.

The night was quiet save my heart pounding in my head, pleading with me to get up and go home. There were no more tears to be cried, no goodbyes to be said as I pushed up the sleeve of my jacket. The veins in my forearms pulsed in anticipation of receiving it’s toxic nirvana.

I looked to the sky one final time, took a deep breath and plunged the syringe into my vein.